And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a beard to bite.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
