I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I supernannyed him into submission
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
