the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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