why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize