You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
