The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
