dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
