i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
