What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
