I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
