I wannas sexs uuuuu
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i drank out of a bidet.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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