We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
