haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
