If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
