yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize