Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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