What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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