when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
