I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize