we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
