Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
