We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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