I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize