I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
