She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize