Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
