i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
