You work out of a Hotel?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
