The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you never un-have a 4some
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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