Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
