In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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