Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
