At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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