Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
