I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
