2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
