I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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