I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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