there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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