I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
