But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize