i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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