You just made me feel so damn special
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
