I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
