She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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