your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
