he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
