went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
