I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
