hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
