She said her name was "party"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
