Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
