did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
