i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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