I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize