Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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