she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
