He kissed a someone with a penis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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