you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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