Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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