i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
