Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
