My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
