You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
