i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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