I puked a lego.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
