I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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