So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
