dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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