Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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