I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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