Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
