3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
